Facebook: Friend or Foe?

Question: Facebook…friend or foe?

As a part of my ongoing desert spiritual journey I came face to face with my arch nemesis, Facebook. Very bored and curious, I succumb to the lure of this social networking site and opened this newest can of worms by typing the name of my ex boyfriend in “search friends box.”

As noted in a previous blog I found my ex and after seeing his new life before my eyes, I spiraled down into my own personal hell for a few days. After I hit rock bottom, I discovered that God was healing my heart and my past. If this healing worked on my own personal Kryptonite (the ex), then why shouldn’t it work for bullies, critics, and family members of my past?

So, I did what I said I would never do, I started a Facebook page. I started off slow by using a fake name (well, it was a real name of a dancer who died in the 1980’s) and befriending all of my current friends (low risk behavior). After seeing their daily lives and receiving updated pictures of their family, friends, and good times I realized I wanted to get in touch with people from my past.

In order to do this, I realized that certain people from my past (family members, ex bullies, and ex boyfriends) would also have access to me. But, I couldn’t pull myself away from this risk. In the darkness of the night, in the glare of the blue facebook screen staring at me, that’s when I noticed God’s touch through this electronic medium.

The first group of people to whom I decided to reach out was some of the girls from my old college sorority. When I discovered them I felt the intial sting of my painful past; but once I got past the initial wince I discovered the past no longer held any power over me. Suddenly, reconnecting with college friends was fun, and the bullies from whom I had been hiding (in some cases for 15 years) were no longer so menacing! In fact, I hoped they would find my page to see how great I’m doing!

Next, I started befriending people I had known in Japan. These were friends of mine, but these friends are also friends of people who had been HIGHLY critical of me in Japan. There was nothing I could do right in their eyes, and being a young minister I let their criticisms eat away to the core of me. Only a few years removed from the very painful memories in Japan, I wasn’t sure if I could stand letting a critical person back in my life.

As I started befriending these Sasebo folks, I realized (like the college bullies) the critics were silent, and even if they do contact me I can handle the situation with dignity.

As I become more friendly with Facebook I know these people from whom I was hiding felt a change in the Force (thank you Darth Vader for letting me totally geek out)…Facebook is such a small world that they have to know my presence. As of yet no one has said anything to me.

After my two major stumbling blocks were out of the way, I pursued my contacts even further by daring to befriend a guy with whom I had one face-to-face three-hour conversation, and fell head over heals in love! (Hey don’t be critical, we met here and he was returning to the States the next day). In the end we emailed for about a month, in the end we just stopped talking. Initially I had the typical female response, I thought it was me…something was wrong with me and that's why we stopped talking. But after my new-found courage, I took the chance and sent him a friend request.

HE ACCEPTED my invite! This is such a HUGE victory for women everywhere! Do you know how many times when something doesn’t work out we [women] think, “It has to be with us,” “What’s wrong with me?” We never stop to realize many times it really isn’t us?!

(I also noticed [other than myself] this guy has a million different beautiful women as his friends. If he’s not with any of them, then perhaps the problem is with him and not me.

By the end of the week I was thanking and praising God because he healed 15 years of hurt, low self-esteem, and my past relationships…all through facebook in less than a week! God has some interesting tools in His belt fo sho! (Please note that this healing was the result of serious praying, and time in the desert with the Holy Spirit…in short I had to make way for the healing)

Today, as I was thanking God profusely for my reconnection to my past and His healing my past a friend suggested that I go further than putting my presence on facebook…he suggested I forgive people.

What a concept…a minister to forgive someone!

A few months ago when I first deployed here I mentioned a fight I had with a friend. During my time in the desert I realized I was angry at him for something he did years ago, and he never apologized for it. When I got angry at him this summer it was because he never accepted my apology when I never asked him to apologize for hurting two years ago. When I wrote him this email I asked for forgiveness for what I had said to him and how I acted. Now I am released, regardless of his reply.

The verdict: Facebook…a friend if you let it…Facebook an addictive enemy if you let it.