Ok, let's get it over...we (Chargers) lost...we (Falcons) won. I couldn't figure out for which team to cheer, so I cheered for them both. Attached (below, or somewhere) is a picture of me at the game and some Falcons fans bringing da dirty bird all the way to SD!
I just finished a drama-filled deployment. In thinking back, there are some things I certainly would have done differently to keep me under the "drama radar."
I just finished a drama-filled deployment. In thinking back, there are some things I certainly would have done differently to keep me under the "drama radar."
Most recently, I got an email from a friend who I purposely cut out of my life back in 2004. We had been friends since 7th grade, but I stopped communicating with her because she made some personal decisions that put her life and her family's life and well being in danger. She wouldn't listen to me (or anyone else), and I knew I couldn't sit back and watch her make these decisions, so I stopped talking to her.
Last week she located me online and emailed me at work. I had to make the decision to respond to her or not. I'm a little hesitant about resuming communications with her because I don't want her drama in my life, especially if she's making the same choices. However, I would welcome her back with open arms if the situation has improved. So, what do I do?
I was talking this problem out with a chaplain friend of mine who said something pretty profound, "It is your choice whether (and to what degree) you let her drama back in your life."
Duh...it hit me like a ton of bricks...BOUNDARIES!!!!! It's so simple and it is what I talk to my Marines and Sailors about all the time. It's my choice to what degree I let the drama back into my life.
I was talking this problem out with a chaplain friend of mine who said something pretty profound, "It is your choice whether (and to what degree) you let her drama back in your life."
Duh...it hit me like a ton of bricks...BOUNDARIES!!!!! It's so simple and it is what I talk to my Marines and Sailors about all the time. It's my choice to what degree I let the drama back into my life.
Recently, another friend was describing me a situation between her and a supervisor at work. As I listened to her, I heard the pain in her voice as she was sinking lower and lower into the drama. Her obsessing about the problem was impacting her ability to sleep and have a happy Thanksgiving with her family.
Drama affects all of our lives regardless if we are women or men (drama divas or divos). Through my own experiences and the collective experiences of all my Sailors and Marines I've learned: It's how we deal with the drama in our lives that will determine our stress level and general happiness in life. Below are some life lessons from the Drama Divas and Divos that surround us:
1. Like my chaplain-friend said, "It's your choice how much you let her back into your life." Reading in between the lines, it our choice to set up boundaries that will guide the relationship. Setting up firm boundaries is essential in not getting dragged into drama. Boundaries involve telling and sometimes showing people to what extent you will be in their lives. Setting up boundaries means these are the lines that we won't let people cross for our own self preservation/benefit. Boundaries can be set at any point in a relationship; and boundaries can be set with respect regardless if a person has more/less power than us. BTW--taking care of ourselves is essential; we cannot (and should not put other peoples' needs ahead of our own to the expense of our well being). To quote Melody Beatie from the book Codependent No More, "But learning when not to give, when not to given in, and when no to do things for and with people are also essential parts of healthy living and healthy relationships."
2. Also, in the words of Melody Beatie, "Remove the victim." Often times when drama occurs between people, one person becomes the victim (of the other person/people). Becoming a victim is like swimming around in a pool of quicksand. Instead of getting out, many of us stay int he quicksand a do the backstroke. Many victims thrive on being the victim. Being the victim is easy and comfortable for many of us because it gives us a reason to bitch, or it manipulates people to feel sorry for us. There are many reasons why we play the victim; there are many reasons why we choose to remain the victim. If you are interested in not remaining the victim, then Melodie Beattie's book Codependent No More is one of the best books out there that shows you how to remove the victim.
3. Be clear in what we want and/or expect out of the situation. Many times we inadvertently get involved with drama because we have different expectations of the situation than what reality dictates. Often this is linked with keeping boundaries, but looking at our expectations allows us to maximize the power that we have in situations.
1. Like my chaplain-friend said, "It's your choice how much you let her back into your life." Reading in between the lines, it our choice to set up boundaries that will guide the relationship. Setting up firm boundaries is essential in not getting dragged into drama. Boundaries involve telling and sometimes showing people to what extent you will be in their lives. Setting up boundaries means these are the lines that we won't let people cross for our own self preservation/benefit. Boundaries can be set at any point in a relationship; and boundaries can be set with respect regardless if a person has more/less power than us. BTW--taking care of ourselves is essential; we cannot (and should not put other peoples' needs ahead of our own to the expense of our well being). To quote Melody Beatie from the book Codependent No More, "But learning when not to give, when not to given in, and when no to do things for and with people are also essential parts of healthy living and healthy relationships."
2. Also, in the words of Melody Beatie, "Remove the victim." Often times when drama occurs between people, one person becomes the victim (of the other person/people). Becoming a victim is like swimming around in a pool of quicksand. Instead of getting out, many of us stay int he quicksand a do the backstroke. Many victims thrive on being the victim. Being the victim is easy and comfortable for many of us because it gives us a reason to bitch, or it manipulates people to feel sorry for us. There are many reasons why we play the victim; there are many reasons why we choose to remain the victim. If you are interested in not remaining the victim, then Melodie Beattie's book Codependent No More is one of the best books out there that shows you how to remove the victim.
3. Be clear in what we want and/or expect out of the situation. Many times we inadvertently get involved with drama because we have different expectations of the situation than what reality dictates. Often this is linked with keeping boundaries, but looking at our expectations allows us to maximize the power that we have in situations.
4. Sometimes "conflict" can't be avoided. There are HUGE differences between being involved in drama (consequently a drama diva) and being in a conflict. It's our reactions to the conflict that make us the divas. Who do we tell about the conflict? Do we take others' advice about solving the conflict? If so, then whom do we ask? Are they drama divas themselves? Do we tell too many people? Are we putting ourselves as victim? Do we share our stories for resolve, or do we share because we love peoples' reactions?
5. Don't be intimdated by the direct conversations. Be brave! Direct and respectful may help circumvent any drama that may ensue. It also helps us get our power back, which is particularly useful if we've given it away to that individual(s).
6. Learn from our experiences. There has been a lot of drama in my life, but it has turned out to be a blessing because I can relate to others through experience. I can also better dictate my own happiness because I've learned what doesn't work.
Obviously, this is not the end-all be-all in the land of "drama." However, many of us have discovered if we change the way we react to the drama in our lives, then we are happier and living the lives that God intended us to live!
Obviously, this is not the end-all be-all in the land of "drama." However, many of us have discovered if we change the way we react to the drama in our lives, then we are happier and living the lives that God intended us to live!
1 comment:
you are so wise! what a great blog!! i've always been of the opinion (to an extent!) that we are authors of our own drama! it's not terribly hard to back away from it, and to remember that "this too shall pass." i think humans on the whole secretly LOVE drama! (not all humans...i abhor it!! lol!) life is short. if we would remember that and live each moment as if it were our last...how different things would be!
great pic of you at the game!!! see you in a few days! woo hoooo!!!
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